Scripts: Elephants to Catch Eels:
Series 2:
'Lizabeth's return read thru draft script Part 2
SCENE 4 - TAVERN
F/X: TAVERN ATMOPS
TAMSYN
It just don't seem right somehow. That woman just isn't how I pictured my mother. I thought she'd be much more like me.
BASCOMBE
Well that's hardly surprising Tamsyn. You always did take after Jago.
TAMSYN
What!?
F/X: DOOR OPENS, LIZABETH ENTERS
'LIZABETH (OFF MIC)
It really is quite amazing you know.
JAGO
What's that 'Lizabeth?
'LIZABETH
The speed of modern business communication. Do you know that I sent a message to my London office two and a half years ago...and not ten minutes ago I received a reply!
F/X: EVERYONE IS ASTONISHED AT THE SPEED
BASCOMBE (IMPRESSED)
It's hard to imagine now how we ever managed before carrier pigeons isn't it? Do you know that the very latest top the range pigeons can now carry pictures messages as well! So you put all your money into spice do you? I prefer to put all mine into illegal profiteering off the state, as I don't like risky investments.
TAMSYN (TRYING TO BREAK IN)
Actually when I do my runs I...
BASCOMBE (IGNORING TAMSYN)
So what sort of growth figures are you forecasting this coming financial year Lizabeth?
'LIZABETH
Hold on Squire I'll just check the figures.
BASCOMBE
Mmm...that's a nice bit of kit!
'LIZABETH (IGNORING TAMSYN)
Yes Bascombe it's something all us modern businesspeople carry with us.
TAMSYN (TRYING TO BREAK IN)
Generally when I'm out at sea...
BASCOMBE
Yes it's very thin and stylish isn't it. What do you call it?
'LIZABETH
My personal organiser. Say hello Roderick.
RODERICK (GRUFF, SOMBRE)
How do.
TAMSYN (BREAKING REALLY CLUMSILY INTO THE CONVERSATION)
Sounds like I should get one them one too. Them personal organisers.
'LIZABETH
You Tamsyn? Why?
TAMSYN
Why? Cos if you need one I need one. Because we're so alike we are. Can you believe that just before you came in, everyone was telling me that rather then taking after you...I actually take after Jago. (LAUGHS HEARTILY WAITING FOR HER MUM TO JOIN IN) Isn't that a laugh? (LAUGHS - LESS HEARTILY) An absolute...scream? (LAUGHS FAR LESS HEARTILY, TAILING OFF MISERABLY)
'LIZABETH
Sorry Tamsyn, as much as I love you I'd be lying if I didn't say that even as a little girl it was obvious that Jago was the one you took after.
JAGO
That's right. You and me girl, peas in a pod.
TAMSYN
No, that's not true. We're so different!
'LIZABETH
Really? How?
TAMSYN
In so many ways... Jago is wasting away his life stuck in some god forsaken village in the middle of nowhere where as I'm...well Jago's always making huge plans but doing nothing to turn them a reality while I'm...well Jago spends his days and nights surrounded by slack jawed drunkards where as I'm...(LONG PAUSE AS IT FINALLY SINKS IN) oh...oh bugger.
SCENE 5 - THE TAVERN
F/X: BUSY TAVERN ATMOSP
JAGO
...my Wife turning up after fifteen years...you could have knocked me down with a feather...well generally that's all it takes.
PIERRE
My Wife was dragged from our home in the dead of night by a baying mob of revolutionaries I have no family! You...you are my only family now Jago.
PIERRE
I have lost my wife.
JAGO (BORED)
Oh yes.
PIERRE
...my home.
JAGO (BORED)
Oh yes.
PIERRE
...my jewels.
JAGO (SUDDENLY INTERESTED)
Oh yes!
PIERRE
Yes I fled Paris with them cunningly disguised as a stinking old washer woman. Fearing I'd be robbed on the crossing I buried them near the shore. And I will never reveal their hiding place to anyone!
JAGO
No, you wouldn't want to do that. Some blokes round here can't be trusted, unlike your old pal Jago.
F/X: CORK IS POPPED, LARGE DRINK POURED
JAGO
Come on Pierre...drink up. That's it...down in one... you better have another...ten or so....
GRAMS: MUSIC STING
SCENE 6 - STREET
F/X: STREET ATMOSP, CARRIAGE, HORSES
PIERRE (NOW VERY DRUNK)
You have shown me great kindness Jago Trelawny. You have taken a penniless Frenchman into your home, given me food, given me drink, beaten me round the face and legs until I handed over the map to my treasure.
JAGO
Well it's just the sort of bloke I am. So farewell my friend. Sure I can't get you to change your mind about leaving?
PIERRE
I'm afraid not Jago, as much as I love Cornwall's rugged unspoilt beauty and relaxed lifestyle...as an asylum seeker to your country, I am duty bound to travel to Lambeth where I'll live in a grotty bed-sit and go on the game.
JAGO
And you're sure you won't stay?
PIERRE
No, no I don't want to mess with tradition.
SCENE 7 - THE TAVERN
F/X: TAVERN ATMOPS, DOOR OPENS, 'LIZABETH ENTERS
TAMSYN (OFF MIC)
Get 'em down ya lads! Plenty more where that came from! What say I tell you a tall tale about a fearsome travel agent?
HANGERS ON (OFF MIC)
Eghhh?
TAMSYN (OFF MIC)
Sorry...I'm still a bit new to this tall tale lark... how about I tell you instead about the ghostly chiropodist.
DRUNKS (OFF MIC)
That's better! That'll do Tamsyn!
DRUNK 1 (DISGRUNTLED) (OFF MIC)
I wanted to hear the one about the travel agent. I've heard that their beautiful songs can lure sailors into taking out insufficient travel insurance
'LIZABETH (COMING ON MIC)
Tamsyn, I'd like to speak to you...alone.
TAMSYN
Why alone? Typical Mother, just because my friends are covered in vomit you take an instant dislike to them
'LIZABETH
These people are leeches. They're only listening to your drunken ramblings 'cos you're buying them drinks
ALL
No! That's not true!
HANGER ON (AT BACK)
We're getting peanuts as well!!!
'LIZABETH
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, I SHOULD NEVER HAVE SAID SHE TOOK AFTER JAGO. Tamsyn I thought you could show me round the parts of the village most of interest to you.
TAMSYN
Okay...here's the bottom of a tankard...oh and I was going to introduce you to the floor. But on second thoughts I think I'll go on ahead, you come along later.
F/X: THUMP
'LIZABETH
COME ON GIRL,UP YOU GET. Why don't we get some fresh air? You could show me round your lugger.
F/X: 'LIZABETH HELPS TAMSYN TO HER FEET AND LEADS HER OUT OF THE TAVERN
SCENE 9 - THE DOCK
F/X: WATER LAPPING AGAINST PIER, SEAGULLS IN DISTANCE
TAMSYN
I don't understand what you could have ever seen in a foul smelling slob like Jago?
'LIZABETH
I know how hard it is to believe now, but in his prime Jago was quite a catch. Charming. Clever. Clean. The trouble was his father was a wretched man. A bitter spiteful old drunk who was convinced he'd make his fortune hunting crocodiles for their skins.
TAMSYN
That's no so terribly odd.
'LIZABETH
He'd lamped six Punch and Judy men before the police finally caught up with him. He did nothing with his life but prop up a bar all day. Jago always said he'd break loose, get out and see the world, but someone his Father always managed to find a way to stop him from leaving Drumlin Bay.
TAMSYN
And I know exactly how! I bet he played on his sympathies and said he couldn't survive without her... I mean him.
'LIZABETH
Well partially. He also clamped a big chain to Jago's leg and tied the other end to the bar. So is this your lugger? WHO'S THAT ON THE DECK?
JAGO
OH HELLO YOU TWO. What are you doing in France?
TAMSYN
You're not in France, you're still in Drumlin Bay! I keep telling you you can't go to France by walking from one end of the boat to the other!
JAGO
France? Why should I want to go to France, it's not as if I need to go there to dig up the priceless jewels of a disgraced French nobleman who entrusted their secret location to me?
TAMSYN
Jago! Are you planning to go to France to dig up priceless jewels?
JAGO
Who told you that?
TAMSYN
You did!
JAGO
I might as known as much! I've never trusted me right from the first moment I laid eyes on myself.
TAMSYN
So you were just going to sail off for these jewels and not even tell me?
JAGO
It's not like that Tamsyn. I've been stood on this deck for the best part of an hour delaying the moment when I put the lugger out to sea and you know why?
TAMSYN
Because you don't know how to sail a boat.
JAGO
Yes...but now I've got a better idea...the three of us can sail to France to retrieve them. Jago, 'Lizabeth and Tamsyn, one big happy family.
'LIZABETH
One big happy family? You were such a pig of a husband that walking out and leaving my daughter was preferable to spending another day in your company
TAMSYN
Yes, and for fifteen years you let me think my mother was dead.
JAGO
Woman, it's every tiny little thing with you isn't it!
© 2005 Tom Jamieson and Nev Fountain. All Rights Reserved.