Scripts: Dead Ringers - Hustle: he's really bad

THE OFFICE

MICKEY IS DOING SLIDE SHOW. THE REST OF THE TEAM ARE WATCHING

MICKEY
Listen up everyone. This is our mark.

THE SLIDE SHOWS AN ORDINARY LOOKING BUSINESSMAN

MICKEY
His name is Sebastian Baxter. In nine days time he'll be signing away his share of his family business for seven million pounds. And we're going to relieve Mr Baxter of some of that cash using a time honoured con called 'the one the script-writers saw in 'The Sting'.

DANNY
Sounds tasty! I'm well up for a bit of that.

MICKEY
Whoa! Whoa! Hold your horses Danny! Before we start we've got to be sure about one thing.

DANNY
What? That the blags are marked with the cut before we flip-flop the dandy left bumchuffling the deck?

DANNY
No Mickey, that's just gibberish. We have to make sure that Sebastian deserves to be conned. Otherwise people might start thinking we're nothing but a bunch of crooks.

ALBERT
And we just can't have that.

STACEY
We have to show various unpleasant character traits of our victim to make sure the viewer is on our side.

DANNY
Like what?  

MICKEY
Like the fact Sebastian here...is a little bit sexist. He calls his cleaning lady 'luv' because he can't remember her name...

STACEY
And he's been known to pick his nose and wipe the bogie under the chair.

ALBERT
And just last week he parked in a disabled bay when he popped into Tesco's on his way home for a pint of milk.

MICKEY
Yes, that should be enough to get the Home counties hackles up. But just to be on the safe side...

MICKEY TAKES A MARKER PEN AND PAINTS A TWIRLY MOUSTACHE AND DEVIL HORNS ON THE SLIDE SHOW IMAGE

ALL THE OTHERS BOO AND HISS THE PHOTO.